This is how you are going to reprogram yourself to attract healthy relationships, not just with others, but with yourself as well.

I’ve already talked about why you might be giving your time to men who don’t deserve it -the patterns your nervous system has held onto from childhood.

Today, I’m breaking down exactly how you can rewire that pattern and get your nervous system aligned with attracting the kind of man who leaves you feeling safe, loved, and valued.

The truth is, your nervous system plays a massive role in who you’re drawn to.

It’s not just about your mind or heart -it’s your body that’s been trained to seek the familiar, even when that familiar is toxic or unavailable.

Here’s how to start shifting that:

Identify Your Emotional Triggers

Before you reprogram your nervous system, you have to get crystal clear on what sets it off.

Ask yourself: What kind of behaviors in men makes me feel anxious or on edge? At what point do I feel like I’m losing control in a relationship. What is my attachment style? Do you constantly need reassurance, or do you feel the need to prove your worth?

These emotional triggers are the exact moments your nervous system is working against you -pushing you back into familiar patterns. Awareness is key, because once you recognize these triggers, you can stop acting on autopilot.

Train Your Nervous System

If your nervous system is wired to crave emotional chaos (because that’s what it knows), the first thing you need to do is teach it how to feel safe in calm and stability in any situation. This means practicing being comfortable when nothing dramatic is happening and when it is.

Try this, every morning, take 5-10 minutes to ground yourself in stillness. Sit comfortably, feet on the floor, and take deep breaths. Inhale trough your nose, hold for a few seconds, and then exhale slowly through your mouth. As you breathe, repeat the affirmation: I am safe, I am grounded, I deserve peace.

This practice helps signal to your nervous system that calmness is safe -and begin to disrupt the need for emotional highs and lows.

Throughout your day, pause and do a quick scan of your body. Are your shoulders tense? Is your chest tight? Where are you holding stress? By bringing awareness to your body, you can release tension in real-time, sending your nervous system a signal to relax.

Reframe Your Story

Your nervous system needs evidence to reprogram. It doesn’t trust big leaps overnight -it wants to see small, consistent action that builds new patterns. Start by proving to your body and mind that stability is good and emotionally available men are safe.

Here’s how: each night, write down one small interaction or decision that brought you closer to calm, grounded energy. Maybe it was something simple as texting someone back without overthinking or going to bed without spiraling about someone’s intentions. Over time, this daily tracking shows your nervous system that being secure isn’t boring -it’s actually empowering.

The next time you’re faced with an option between someone who feels exciting in a toxic way and someone who offers stability, choose the stable one. Notice how your body reacts -does it feel bored or uncomfortable? That’s your nervous system resisting the unfamiliar. But with each small choice, you teach it that the calm, secure option is the right one.

Visualize Healthy Love

This isn’t just about thinking positive thoughts -it’s about teaching your nervous system to recognize healthy love as safe and desirable.

Each night before bed, try this visualization:

1. Close your eyes and imagine the kind of relationship you deeply desire -not the fantasy, but the one that makes you feel held, cherished, and seen.

2. Now feel it in your body. How does your heart feel? Your breathe? Your shoulders? Let your body relax into the sensation of being fully accepted and loved. Picture your partner looking at you with warmth, being consistent, and communicating clearly. Let your body memorize what it feels like to be safe with this man. This trains your nervous system to seek out and be drawn to this type of energy.

Be Selective

Reprogramming your nervous system isn’t just about internal work -it’s about being radically selective with the men you give your energy to. This means rejecting anything that feels familiar but toxic. Practice protecting your time like it’s your most precious time (because it is).

The more you surround yourself with men who value you, the more your nervous system will start to crave that respect and safety over chaos. It’s not just a mental shift -it’s a physical rewiring.

If you found this helpful, let me know. Talk soon!