Introduction

The Courage to Be Disliked by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga is based on the principles of Alfred Adler’s individual psychology. It presents its ideas through a dialogue between a philosopher and a young man.

If you want to build the courage to be disliked, here are the key lessons and practical steps from the book:

1. All Problems Are Interpersonal Relationship Problems

The book suggests that much of our suffering comes from seeking approval or fearing disapproval from others. Realizing that it’s impossible to please everyone is a major step toward freedom.

Practice: Reflect on how much of your behavior is driven by how others might perceive you. Try making one decision a day that is aligned with your values rather than others’ expectations.

2. Separate Tasks

One of Adler’s main ideas is task separation: know what is your task and what is someone else’s. You are only responsible for your own life and choices, not how others feel about them.

Practice: Ask yourself in difficult situations: Whose task is this? For example, how someone reacts to your honesty is their task, not yours.

3. Desire for Recognition Is a Trap

The book challenges the idea that we need to be recognized or validated by others. Freedom comes from living according to your own principles rather than seeking approval.

Practice: Set internal rather than external goals. For example, focus on doing your best, not on being praised.

4. Live in the Present, Not the Past

According to Adlerian psychology, we are not determined by our past; instead, we give meaning to our experiences. You can choose how to live now, regardless of past trauma or failure.

Practice: Catch yourself when you blame the past for current limitations. Ask instead: What purpose is this story serving me now?

5. Have the Courage to Be Normal

The book questions the desire to be “special” or “superior.” Wanting to stand out often stems from insecurity. True freedom is being okay with being ordinary and living meaningfully.

Practice: Embrace humility. Try doing something kind or valuable without seeking attention or reward.

6. Freedom Is Being Disliked

If you live authentically, some people will naturally dislike you. This is not only inevitable, it’s healthy. The philosopher in the book states: “You are not living to satisfy other people’s expectations.”

Practice: Next time you hesitate to express a genuine opinion, remind yourself: It’s okay if they don’t like me.